you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
