If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
