oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
COCAINE IS GR8
I think people are normalizing furries
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
