apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
