First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
