last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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