He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
