Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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