Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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