I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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