I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
