I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
