just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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