he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
