i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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