We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
