the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
