your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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