Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
