He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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