2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
