she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
