why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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