I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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