I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
