if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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