you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
