when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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