I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
