i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
