A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
