I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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