So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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