i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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