Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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