Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
