Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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