Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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