On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
