I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
