TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
