Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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