brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I've blown a few things in my day
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
