He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
