I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
