I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
