in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
