I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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