I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
