She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
