Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
