I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
