And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
