Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
